5 Things I Want to Help My Audience With
Moms are multi-tasking, busy bees and we rarely take the time to slow down and ask ourselves some important questions. What am I really passionate about in this life? What is it I really enjoy doing? What do people say they love about me?
We have taken our eyes off of who we really are as women, mothers, and partners in our relationships. Our passion gets put on the back burner because we allow society to dictate how things should be instead of what makes us feel fulfilled and alive as individuals.
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about (as I’m sure many moms have) where I’ve been, who I used to be before kids, and where I’m going.
Envision this, it’s June of 2021 and I am attempting to return to work in a post pandemic world. I’ve been offered a few job options but most got turned down, either because the pay was too low or the hours were inconvenient.
As a single mom of three, the unfortunate reality is that there isn’t sufficient childcare to make the return to work. But if I don’t return to work the finances are going to get tighter while the cost of living continues to rise.
I had been involved with an employment agency that was working with me to find a way to return to the workforce, within my parameters of time and income needs, and one simple question from my employment coach had me coming to a heartbreaking revelation.
The question was, “Who do I want to help or what service can I provide?”
And the answer?
I Don’t.
I don’t want to help others anymore. I don’t want to be of service to people anymore. I don’t want to bring value to anyone else anymore.
You see, the reality of the situation is that I had spent so much of my life in service to others, because that’s what was expected of me, that I no longer had anything to give to anyone else.
I was burnt out. I was overwhelmed and under supported. I resented the skills that I built over the years and I no longer wanted to use them for the benefit of anyone else.
In trying to meet everybody else expectations of how I should live my life and how my motherhood should look, I had lost my identity.
My passions were buried deep and my resentment ran deeper.
How Does My Story Help You?
In the process of self discovery, I have recognized some reoccurring themes that I want to help you with.
1. Identify who you are now and who you want to be.
As much as we sometimes wish we could, we can’t go back to the past.
Sometimes we take a look at our past selves and see that the girl or woman we were was fun and outgoing and the life of the party. She was passionate, brilliant and we look on that with sorrow and wonder where on earth that woman went?
The truth of the matter is, we never actually lost “past” us. You can’t lose something that’s an integral part of you, but that part of you can grow and shift overtime into something unrecognizable, especially when we are consumed by other things outside ourselves.
So now is the time to investigate who that woman is now. What are her values? What are her interests? What new passions or creations can she discover? And what things are no longer working that need to be removed from our lives?
I want you to know that you don’t need to be perfect, but that you do need to be honest with yourself about what’s working and what isn’t. I want you to understand that identifying yourself is possible and that it takes courage, but it also takes patience and perseverance.
2. Realizing what is a trauma response and what is intuition.
One of our biggest challenges as humans is to learn how to trust ourselves. This comes from our conditioning to rely on others, to listen to what they say, and follow the example they set.
This can make us feel like we’re not good enough, or that we’re doing something wrong if we don’t follow someone else’s lead. It can also make us feel confused about what we should do when faced with a difficult situation.
The difference between trauma responses and intuition:
Trauma is something you feel in your body and is almost always uncomfortable, such as anxiety or fear.
Intuition is a knowing, and often doesn’t cause a physical reaction, instead it is a lightness or calmness in your decision or situation.
3. Resources and guides to setting up and achieving S.M.A.R.T. goals
SMART goals are not just Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic and Time Based goals that you write down once and do nothing about.
SMART goals also include a breakdown of your goal in to manageable chunks, a plan of daily actions and even the use of an accountability partner or coach sometimes.
I have a Post that goes more in-depth, A Quick Guide to Setting up and Achieving S.M.A.R.T. Goals.
Because a Goal without a plan is just wishful thinking.
4. Building skills and abilities
Skills are what you know how to do. Abilities are what you can do.
Skills are specific and measurable, while abilities are broad and subjective. For example, being able to ride a bicycle is a skill, while being able to ride well is an ability.
You may have one or more skills but not yet be able to demonstrate them consistently or at a high level. Also, you may have one or more abilities but not yet have demonstrated them consistently or at a high level.
All skills are learnable. You just need to be willing to put in the work to achieve them.
5. Selfcare isn’t selfish
Self-care is a term that gets thrown around a lot, especially in the wellness space. But what does it really mean?
In its simplest form, self-care means taking care of yourself. It’s about doing the things you need to do in order to be happy and healthy. It can be something as simple as taking a walk in nature or going for a run. It could be eating healthy food or getting enough sleep. It can mean treating yourself with kindness and compassion when you’re feeling down or anxious.
But often, we don’t take care of ourselves because we’re afraid it will make us seem “selfish.” We think it will make other people feel left out or left behind if we focus on ourselves first. But that’s not true! In fact, caring about yourself and your needs is something you shouldn’t ignore!
Every single person has different needs and wants when it comes to self-care — but there are some things that are universal no matter who you are:
- Nutrient dense foods
- Quality Sleep
- Meaningful body movement (moving your body, purposely, in a way you enjoy)
- Deep and loving connections with ourselves and others
Taking time for yourself — whether it’s an hour before bed or an entire day off work — is so important!
Final thoughts
In my own experience these are the 5 major pillars to making effective and lasting changes, in creating your best life, and the greatest version of yourself.
I am speaking through experience here. When I realized that I no longer had the capacity to help others, I really had to take a hard look at myself. I didn’t like not knowing myself but it gave me the opportunity to discover something new.
And I made a radical decision. I’m going to do something for me, that will benefit absolutely no one, but me.
Enter Adult figure skating.
I’d always loved hockey and played quite a bit as youth. But after becoming a mother and an adult, and being consumed with other peoples expectations, I’d actually not returned to the ice in many years.
I found our local skating club online and, without even trying to justify time or cost commitments, I signed up. It was the single best decision I have made for myself in a very long time.
I look forward to my session every week. I am both filled with joy and challenged by it. I have even skated in a show with my childhood hero Kurt Browning!
I want my audience to know that no matter where you are in your life right now, there is hope for the future. That you can get through whatever is going on in your life because there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
And I am here to provide the best resources and supports I can.
